After almost a week to digest the new Star Wars VII trailer, Joe Bianchino got together with a few friends to discuss what appears the forthcoming debut of a new hilted lightsaber, and, more specifically, whether or not it’s functional.
We pick up the conversation in the middle, just before it gets…away from them a little bit.
JP: Imagine those fight scenes where the lightsabers are criss-crossed, and the fight is almost at a standstill, but one is pushing on the other and the sabers are getting closer and closer to someone’s neck. Now, with this saber, you’ve got an extra, handy-dandy boom, straight through the face sword.
Joe Bianchino: But with the hilts, wouldn’t the chance of accidental amputation be rather high?
DBon: I don’t see those things really coming into contact with your own body, though.
JP: If you’re gonna accidentally take out your hand with your own lightsaber, then you’re not a very good Jedi/Sith/Ninja Master, though. Amirite?
Rich: The fact that they refuse to just use guns is pretty ridiculous, but, considering that they use only a sword at all times, and considering that the hilt on a regular sword hardly if ever comes into contact with the body when used by a good swordsman, then it shouldn’t be a problem for the Jedi.
JP: I thought red was for Siths…
Rich: The closest a Sith ever came to using a gun was when Darth force-ripped the blaster out of Han’s hand. They seem to follow the same saber-only code as the Jedi.
Joe Bianchino: Are we sure the hilts on regular swords don’t make contact with the body? Or is it just not noticed because it isn’t a laser? And doesn’t so easily slice into you and spill your entrails all over the starship floor? Also, with the amount of ridiculous showoff tricks the Jedi/Sith throw around before every fight, isn’t it at least a threat that those hilts make contact?
And, lastly, three words: Long. Flowing. Robes. With everyone in the far, far away galaxy dressed like the Dalai Lama, there’s no way they use that lightsaber without burning through their own clothes.
JP: Old Jedi seduction technique. Burns his own clothes right off.
Rich: The answer, Joe is the Force. Always.
DBon: Not to backtrack, but that lightsaber isn’t red. It’s more blood orange.
Joe Bianchino: Blood orange? Please. That thing is as red as my cat’s johnson.
…which is red.
Rich: Is your cat…a Sith Lord?
JP: Joe’s cat is Emperor Pawpawtine.
DBon: Darth Mawl.
Rich: Seriously though, Joe. You should have your cat checked out. I don’t think that’s right.
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing – Shakespeare
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