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NoTicketSports Gives Thanks

 

On this weekend of Thanksgiving, NoTicketSports pauses to give thanks.

Jeffrey Simpson Day: I’m thankful that the Cubs keep losing, because if they won a World Series, I’m not sure my liver would survive.

Joe Bianchino: I’m thankful for Odell Beckham Jr.’s hands, for giving me something to watch as a Giants fan.  I’m also thankful for the Jets and Mets, who continually show the ways in which sports fandom could always, always, be worse.

Jeffrey Simpson Day: i’m also thankful that Chelsea has a chance to win some titles this year, seeing as the Cubs, Colts, and Pacers really, really don’t.

Joe Bianchino: And I’d also like to add thanks for the forthcoming Star Wars and Jurassic Park sequels, for helping soothe the bad taste I’ve had in my mouth for years now concerning the most recent iterations of both.

And, of course, to Maggie Gyllenhaal, for not making a feature film recently.

Jeffrey Simpson Day: That doesn’t seem right.  You thanking Maggie Gyllenhall.  You know, seeing as you’re on the record as saying the best thing she ever did on film was die in Dark Knight, right before you said you wished her character had died earlier.  Seems like you should be thanking the casting people who didn’t give her a feature film, as well as the ones who got her to move to television.

Joe Bianchino: Only time in my life I have been happy to see a protagonist die. And man, I was psyched.

So, whomever is responsible – Gyllenhaal, casting directors, a just and loving God, whomever – thank you, thank you, one thousand times thank you.

Mark Graydon: I am thankful that West Ham is not in the relegation zone…yet.

Joe Bianchino: Jeff, I think West Ham would also like to thank Chelsea – and Southampton and Man City – for keeping United from the table’s top and giving Mark back to them.

Mark Graydon: I’m actually a closet Chelsea fan. In fact, it’s a walk-in closet consisting of a plethora of decent sports teams.

Joe Bianchino: Patriots, Heat, Cavs, Yankees..

Jeffrey Simpson Day: There’s no way that closet is up to code. At some point, it’s really just a separate storage facility.

Regardless, I’m sure your Cavaliers will pull it together by the end of the season.

Brixy: Soccer talk is confusing.  And who is this Chelsea chick?  Is she cute?

Joe Bianchino: She is.  The back end is a little questionable at times, but the front is an absolute knockout.  I give thanks for her.

Brixy: Probably a prude, though. I’ve dated a soccer chick before. Lots of foreplay, not enough scoring.

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing – Shakespeare

Author: Joe Bianchino

Joe Bianchino is a writer, producer, and radio host located in upstate New York. He is a life-long New York sport fan, Chelsea supporter, and Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon enthusiast. Follow him on Twitter @JoeBNTS. Email him at Joe@noticketsports.com.