Mundane Celebrities


To help kick off the holiday season, actor Nick Offerman – best known for his role as Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation – taped a 45 minute video comprised, entirely, of the mustachioed celebrity drinking whisky next to a fire.


The oddly mesmerizing video led the NoTicketSports staff to ask, what celebrity would you watch perform what mundane task?

The Doctors: In keeping with the holiday spirit, I’d watch Louis C.K. be a Salvation Army Santa for hours.  Just ringing that bell non-stop, getting no donations, with a vague look of either irritable bowel or existential exasperation.  Only, you’re not sure which.

Jeffrey Simpson Day: That would be amazing. I’d watch the hell out of that. Hell, I may have that as my screen saver.

I’d also watch Kanye West stare into a fish tank for 45 minutes straight.  I’m not sure what crazy thing would result from that, but you know it would be outrageous.

Joe Bianchino: Doc, you’ve inspired me with the Salvation Army bit. I think I’d watch any of the Kardashian sisters shop in one of their stores. No volume, though.  Just facial reactions and body language.  So much confusion.  So much contempt.  So much disgust.

My original thought, though:  I’d watch Larry David walk through a mall on a Friday night. You know that man does not suffer mall rats.  Casual shopping, less than casual ranting.

Junior: I feel like watching Gary Busey put together a puzzle would be fascinating.

And sad.

Doctor: Absolutely.  Seven hours of puzzling and when he realizes there’s a piece missing, he flips the god damn table over and sets the house on fire.

Brixy: I’d watch Paula Deen watch the BET Awards.  Ideally in a situation where she’s alone, a bit drunk, and positive no one can see or hear her.

Joe Bianchino: I may also watch Lil Jon navigate the Dewey Decimal System. Not because he can’t do it, but because at each step along the way, he’s bound to let out at least one “YEAH!” and there’s no way today’s library crowd handles that well.

Side note: do people still go to libraries? Do they even exist?

Brixy: I’d also watch Peyton Manning watch Tom Brady in the playoffs.

Ideally in a situation where he’s alone, a bit drunk, and positive no one can see or hear him.

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing – Shakespeare

Author: Staff

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