Well, it’s here. Ebola is here. And soon enough, in all likelihood, we won’t be. So how does NoTicketSports react?
By exploring Hollywood’s vast collection of deadly disease/virus movies and stumping in support of their favorite.
Joe Bianchino: Two words, folks. Out. Break. Six more: Hoffman. Russo. Spacey. Freeman. Cuba. Sutherland.
I know the film gets a bad rap, but I love it. The interplay between Dustin Hoffman and Cuba Gooding Jr. has that Sorkin-esque comedic charm to it, and the action and deepening darkening, conspiratorial plot-line plays as gripping as you’d like.
They manage to take a film about a horrible epidemic threatening the existence of an entire town into a fun, exciting thrill-ride.
And what more could you want?
Junior: I’ve got a phrase for you: “We’re not using the ‘zed’ word.” Shaun of the Dead. That’s your deadly virus-spreading-uncontrollably movie plus slowly ambling zombies – with witty banter to beat the band.
You’ve got red on you.
Joe Bianchino: Do zombie movies count? Is that a deadly virus thing? Do I need to be worried about Ebola and Ebola-victim undead?
Jeffrey Simpson Day: Seems tough to nail down. I’m not sure how you exclude zombie movies, but if you include them, it changes the genre/nature of the question. Plus, where would you draw the line? Would Children of Men count? The Happening? Bag of dicks that it was.
Joe Bianchino: As Editor-In-Chief, I’m going to make an executive decision – though it’ll be an academically confusing one we just won’t think about much and roll with:
If we’re asked to suspend all belief in science as we know it, the film cannot be considered – it is then part of a different genre, as Jeff mentioned. So, by that questionable logic – but again, we’re not thinking about it – zombie movies are out. So, too, are any movies about house plants trying to kill us all because M. Night Shyamalan wanted to make a point about the environment.
Pierce Brix: By that standard, if you would have asked me during the first half of the movie, I would have certainly said 30 for 30 Presents: The Announcement, but it turns out that Magic Johnson guy is still kicking around, making billions. What if I told you that ‘Magic Johnson’ was more than a nick name, it was a fact.
Tasteless jokes aside, I can’t say I’ve really seen too many virus/disease themed flicks. That said, I’m going to have to go with Cabin Fever. Why Cabin Fever, you ask? Simple. Any movie that employs Corey Mathews’ lovable, other-side-of-the-tracks BFF Shawn Hunter and allows this scene to slip all the way through to the final cut is worthy of my respect and admiration. Other than that, the movie sucks terribly.
Joe Bianchino: Wow dude. Wow.
Jeffrey Simpson Day: Is anyone surprised by any of what Brixy said?
Joe Bianchino: That is, without a doubt, the most ruthless joke in the history of NoTicketSports, but I’ll move beyond it and respond to the substance of your answer:
Look, Lord knows I’m a fan of Rider Strong, but a problem with Cabin Fever: that scene where the woman tries to shave her legs and comes away with the tell-tale scab, why not just stop shaving? Why go back for another run?!
Should that really be enough for me to discount the entire movie? No. Is it? Yes.
In the end, not surprisingly, I agree with myself. I think Outbreak is the right call, which is darkly fitting, given that its “Motaba” virus was based on Ebola.
Jeffrey Simpson Day: And, also not surprisingly Joseph, you’re wrong. The right answer is High School Musical. It infected freakin’ everything. And it’s still going.
We’re all doomed.
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing – Shakespeare
For complete staff bios go to noticketsports.com/staff.