For years now, the NBA Slam Dunk Contest has been in decline. This year, little seems to have changed. Orlando Magic guard Victor Oladipo will join Milwaukee’s Giannis Antetokounmpo, Minnesota’s Zach LaVine and Brooklyn’s Mason Plumlee on Saturday, leaving much to be desired – and leaving us to ponder this question:
Would you rather watch the Dunk Contest, or go see 50 Shades of Grey by yourself?
Joe Bianchino: There’s no doubt in my mind, it’s 50 Shades of Grey. No real, significant part of me wants to see the film, but after almost four years of build up, I am, at the very least, curious about all the hype. But the dunk contest? I’m neither curious nor in any way interested. Hell, I barely even recognize it as an event – watered down as it is now.
Honest question, does Giannis Antetokuonmpo even play in the NBA? Or does he just own a Gyro place off 35th?
Andrew Williams: Joe, Antetokuonmpo is a 20-year-old phenom. If you’re a male and see that movie alone, you’re a creeper. You either watch a specimen jump out of the gym, or be a weird dude at alone at a chick flick. How is this even a question?
Joe Bianchino: Why do I have to be a creeper? Why can’t I just enjoy some colorful cinematography in oddly mixed company?
Regardless, let’s just be honest about the weekend. Saturday’s most ferocious throw downs won’t be from Mason Plumlee and his surely 2-handed dunks. They’ll come from Mr. Grey.
Gone are the days of Vince Carter and Jordan and Dominique Wilkins. Hell, gone are the days of Nate Robinson. With no, or little-named players the only ones turning out for this thing year in and year out, we’ve turned the dunk contest into, essentially, a home run derby with a bunch of barely known singles hitters.
We’re basically watching the Cubs out there.
Andrew Williams: Look up Zach LaVine on YouTube.
Joe Bianchino: You sure I shouldn’t look him up on State Farm’s “Local Agents” web site? Because I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen him play basketball – and, more to the point, I have no desire to see him play.
I’m sure each of these four guys can jam home some nice dunks – I’m sure everyone in the league can do that – but I want to see the guys who draw me to the TV attempt the dunks, not the guys I barely notice once I’m there. And that’s the NBA’s problem. The guys we all actually want to see dunk – LeBron and company – are in the stands rather than on the court, so I’ll be in the theater.
Jeffrey Simpson Day: You don’t want to see the guys actually in the contest, you want to see the guys in the stands. But you just said you’ve never heard of these guys and/or have never seen them play…s0 how do you know you don’t want to see them? Seriously, Joseph, try some Brussels sprouts, you might like ’em.
Joe Bianchino: These guys may well be good, but I’m not driving to Woodstock unless Hendrix is there, you know? The promoters may have booked a bunch of solid bands, but if I’ve never heard any of their music, or never even heard of them at all, I’m not going.
And Brussels sprouts? What am I, a deer? God gave us canines for a reason. Meat, FTW.
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing – Shakespeare
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